Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
