I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
