How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
