i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
