that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
