hell yes lets make some ravioli
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
