dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
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I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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