Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
