Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize