Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
