He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
