I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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