Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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