ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
