Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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