Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
