Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
