Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
