I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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