i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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