she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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