I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i was born a porn star she said
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
