Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
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I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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