these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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