By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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