You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
