omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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