hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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