I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you didnt know i had herpes?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
