it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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