Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
