my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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