The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
