I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
