Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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