she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
