Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
