yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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