summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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