just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
