so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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