some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
