We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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