so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
