So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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