Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize