my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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