i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
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Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
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i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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