made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize