I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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