I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
