I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.