He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
ttyl tear gas
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick