We're facebook friends in real life
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
