Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
