I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize