we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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