For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
