So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
