3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
