dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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