Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
