Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
