i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Come on in and take your pants off
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